Coming As I Am

Hey! This is Dedee. I recently changed my blog from "public" status to "private" so I asked Brillig if I could post my entry for Charrette's Come As You Are game here at the anonymous soapiness site. So there I am! I just posted this one on my blog--I took it last week, as the camera is currently in NYC with Brad. It's a shot with me and my two youngest, and as I feel like the most "me" picture would include the sunglasses and the kids, then this is my offering.

Smitten

Smitten (Part 1)

I met Shawn about a month after I moved to Europe to study abroad. Pathetically enough, he was actually one of the first people I really met. Don't ask me what I was doing for the first month. Recovering from jet lag, I guess. He was a "native," cute accent and all. He was also a tall blue eyed blond. Add to all this the fact that he owned a car--something that was quite the rarity in these parts--and he was pert-near perfect.

On of the first things I found out about him is that he was involved in a long-distance relationship with a girl from Utah. He confided in me that he kind of wished "she would just meet a guy back home" and dump him, as he apparently didn't really like the situation. My first words of advice was that he should dump her as quickly as possible. I was not a fan of distance relationships myself (for reasons that are an entirely different SOS story). Now at this point I was sorta kinda still in a relationship that was on the rocks, and close to ending. I told him this, and he said "so, our love lives suck, we have something in common." We hit is off quite well, and by the end of the evening I could hardly believe that we had just barely met. We even joked that we should both dump the people we were dating and date each other. However, since we were both involved with other people at the time, we didn't exchange phone numbers or anything, and so at the end of the night when we said goodbye, I had no idea when I would see him again. However, I knew that something would definitely happen between us. I was 100% sure that at some point in the future we would kiss. (In retrospect, I wonder how much of a self-fulfilling prophecy that was...) That night I could hardly sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about him.

It turned out I saw him less than a week later, when I went to help decorate for a dance that was being held for the youth. Some of my acquaintances were in charge of decorating, and I got roped in to helping out. I was more than happy to do it, since the prospect of Shawn being there was quite high. I was getting ready to hang balloons from the ceiling when he walked in. I was trying to act "cool" and not run up to him as soon as I saw him. I wanted to see if he would come talk to me. He did. He even gave me a hug. Then he proceeded to help me hang up balloons, hold the tape for me, and anything else I needed. I was enjoying the attention. After we finished decorating, we went in to another room where the kids were watching a movie, and we sat in the back and watched it. I think we were thinking more about each other than about the movie. But, since we were both "involved" with other people, nothing really happened.

For a while it stayed like that. We would only see each other when we both ended up at the same activity, which happened enough to keep me happy. We would hang out and talk a lot, but nothing more. Then I didn't see him for almost a month, and I was getting a little frustrated about it. I was starting to wonder how I could stalk him without making it too obvious--I didn't want to have to call a friend and say "hey, do you know Shawn's number?". Then, just a few days later, I noticed that he was a friend of one of my friends on Facebook. I immediately added him and sent him a message. Something along the lines of "Hey, we should hang out sometime but only as friends since we are both dating other people." Smooth, I know. Surprisingly, he actually replied and gave me his number. I gave him the number to my apartment since I didn't have a cell phone yet (very very bad for my social life, I might add). We bantered a little over Facebook messages and then switched to email since I hate Facebook. Eventually we decided to do something. We ended up watching a movie at my house. He invited Tim, one of his other friends. I was a little annoyed that it wasn't just the two of us, but it was probably good to have someone to chaperon. Shawn sat by me on the couch, and shared a blanket. By the end of the movie, we were holding hands under the blanket. So jr. high, I know. But it still made me feel excited and giddy.

I also found out that Tim and I had talked on MSN before I had moved there, when I was looking for an apartment. He had been a little offish with me at the time--I was trying to flirt a little and make friends so I would know someone when I got there, but that was obviously not on his agenda. However, in real life he was much cooler. We made plans to hang out.

I felt a little guilty about all this, due to the fact that I was still technically dating someone. However, I was vastly becoming more and more annoyed by this fact, so a week or so later when we got into a fight and he dumped me, I didn't put up much of an argument. I also called Shawn later than day and manged to work into the conversation the fact that I got dumped. You know, just so he knew I was single. He asked he if I was sad and I said "sort of."

That Sunday there was a choir concert at the church, but I didn't feel like going. I called Shawn to ask if he was going to go (really just an excuse to talk to him) and he said he didn't want to either. So he said he would come over and we could hang out instead. I was definitely up for that! He came over and we eventually decided to just drive around in his car. When we were getting in his car he said "Oh, here is an old cell phone of mine I got for you! Now all you have to do it buy a pre-paid SIM card and you will have a cell phone." Wow. He gained some MAJOR points for thoughtfulness right here. Although I'm sure he just had the ulterior motive of wanting to be able to get in touch with me better.

It was raining a little and getting dark... kind of romantic. I started bragging about how good I was at driving a stick, and he said I had to show him. I told him we had to find a side street or something because I didn't want to drive with other traffic. Seeing as how I didn't have a drivers license in that country, getting away from traffic was probably a good idea. Eventually we ended up on a small quiet road out in the middle of nowhere. He pulled over and we switched places. I drove for a little while, not doing as well with the clutch as I had thought I would, unfortunately. Then I saw headlights in the rearview mirror, and wanting to avoid other cars, I pulled off into a parking lot. I told him I was done driving, so we switched places again. Instead of starting up the car and leaving, he turned on the heater and the radio. We ended up sitting there talking for about 45 minutes, though I could tell talking was not #1 on his agenda. Somehow he managed to get his arm around me, and eventually we ended up holding hands again.

Now since I was newly single, I was not in any way hesitant about getting close. It was obvious he wanted to kiss me. We were still talking, but ended up with our heads really close together. Finally, I tired of all the games, and just leaned over a little more, with one purpose in mind. The next thing I knew we were kissing. It was a GOOD first kiss. We ended up making out for like half an hour. Then we realized how late it was, and decided we should go. On the way home, I couldn't stop looking at him. It made me smile. When we stopped at a light, he leaned over and quickly kissed me again. Finally we got to my place, and I kept starting to get out of the car, and then leaning over to kiss him one more time. He laughed and said "stop kissing me and go home now!" so I jumped out of the car and went in to my apartment. I couldn't stop smiling, and I could hardly sleep that night (again).

However, through all this, he still had his long-distance girlfriend. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized that I had become the "other woman."

To be continued...

She Blinded Me With Kindness

Once upon a time, when I was still in the armed forces, I was stationed in a large city on the east coast. I hadn't been stationed there for very long before I became acquainted with the city's nightlife, which was eclectic and abundant.

Being a single man, and something of a Jack-The-Lad in those days, I quickly found the best, ahem, hunting grounds that suited me. One such place was a dance club near a major, prestigious university, which was frequented by students and military personnel alike.

One Saturday night, I got to the club at about 9, and found it to be quite crowded already, so I ordered a drink and started to size up the action… it wasn't long before my eyes seized upon the pretty face of a young woman wearing a very nice blue dress, who was sitting with a group of three or four other young women. I waited for the next song to come on, which was a good one, as I recall, but I don't remember the name of it (hey, it ws the mid 80's, ok?). I walked up to this part of three women and asked the one in the blue dress to dance. She said that she'd love to, and said: "lead the way to the dance floor" and I was only happy to oblige. I turned and headed for the dance floor, figuring that she would be right behind me as I made a path for us through the crowd.

When I got to the dance floor, I found myself alone.

She wasn't there.

I guess it won't surprise you to hear that I was a little annoyed. Had I just been made sport of?

I went back to the bar, prepared to let it go, but decided that I wanted to know what that little prank was all about. When I approached the place where this young woman and her friends were sitting, they all got animated and their faces turned red. I walked up to little miss blue dress and said, "hey, what was that all about? Were you just messing with me, because if you didn't want to dance with me, my feelings wouldn't have been hurt if you had said no" She put her hand on my arm and smiled at me (she had a dazzling smile, and a verry bright and open face) and said, I'm sorry, but you were moving too fast for me to follow you… you have to hold my hand because I'm blind."

Oh Lord… She didn't just say she was blind, did she?

"Blind?" I managed to say… she laughed and said, "Yup, blind."

Concerned that I had just made a gigantic ass out of myself, and I attempted to sputter through an apology, but she stopped me with a laugh and told me not to worry about it. Her friends were mortified… whether it was because no one had told me, or because their friend had been left standing there, waiting for me to help her, I can't tell through the mists of time..

After all of the clarification, we had our dance, and a couple more before she and her friends left, but they didn't leave before I got her telephone umber. She was a really nice girl, and REALLY smart… she was doing an international law degree, all of which had to be read, studied, and tested either by audio or braille. We dated for a while, nothing serious, she had to spend three times as much time studying as many other students, so her free time was limited to a few hours once per week… we had fun together, and a few months later she was done with school and that was that.

No big love connection or anything like that, but together, the scorchingly hot summer of 1987 was very pleasant.

I wonder where she is now?

Hey! Welcome to Anonymous Soapiness! This is the place where you can post a soapy story without having to sign your name to it--and without tarnishing your blog with silly suds. We've had a couple of people use our anonymous site so far and we'd love for more to take us up on it. Tell your friends... :-D

And without further ado, here's this week's Mr. Linky.

Forbidden...

Forbidden Love Lust

There I was, stationed in another country... but, this time, no one was shooting at me, which was a plus.

I had seen her (let's just call her Susie, OK?) around the base over the past year, a good looking woman who was a nurse in the base hospital. I never paid much attention to her, though. Not because I wasn't interested, and not because I was seeing someone else. I hadn't paid much attention because paying said attention would have been against the rules.

You see, Susie was an officer... a Captain. I was a Corporal.

Let me explain... in the armed forces, relationships between officers and enlisted personnel aren't just frowned upon, they are forbidden. Sure, there are good reasons for this, which doesn't mean that they don't happen.

Anyway, Susie and I never did more than say hello or nod & smile at each other for many months until one summer night when the Officers club was closed for renovation and the Officers had been granted the use of our club. Susie was in the club this particular Friday night, drinking with some of her enlisted medics, when I happened to walk into the place for a wee bit of refreshment.

I stepped up to the bar, and ordered a tonic water with lime (I'm not a teetotaller, but I just wasn't drinking any booze that night), and surveyed the scene... and noticed Susie staring at me from across the room. We made eyes at each other (discreetly) for w while, and when the opportunity arose, I got the chance to have a chat with her.

To make a long story short, we discussed our long term mutual admiration and laughed about what to do about it. We concluded that if we were discreet, we might be able to... talk about it when there weren't so many people around. So we made plans. I was going to go to her place a few nights later, and she was going to make dinner... since we couldn't go out anywhere together.

On the appointed evening, at the appointed time, I went to Susie's apartment, and we ate, and laughed and talked and had a great time... then, it happened.

Susie excused herself, and went into another room. I assumed she was going to the bathroom, but when she returned, she was in a nightgown!

Whoa, dude!

She sat down on the couch (I was in a chair across the table)

***NOTE*** This is the part of the story where you might think I was about to divulge to much information about what follows, but you don't have to worry. You see, at the time of this incident, I was only twenty, and not really much of a man of the world.

So... Susie comes back into the room and sits down, while I was thinking "Oh no! I have over-stayed my welcome! I need to make a quick exit!" I thought that she was trying to tell me that she needed to go to bed... um, to go to SLEEP

So I made some quick excuses, and beat a hasty retreat, feeling all the while that I had made an a$$ out of myself.

I was right. I had made an a$$ out of myself... but not for the reason that I thought.

When I saw Susie a couple of days later, we had a moment to talk and she asked me what she had done wrong. I was busy apologizing for staying too long, and for not being considerate about her time.

We planned to meet again, and we did... but nothing came of it, since we knew that we couldn't ever go anywhere together, and it wouldn't be good for her career if it were to ever get out.

So, what might have been an interesting um... friendship, turned into another year of nodding and smiling (and saluting) without ever saying anything other than "good afternoon, ma'am" followed by "carry on, Corporal". She returned to the states after that year, and that was that.

So there is my story of potential conquest, gone wrong. I have more than one of those, so stay tuned.

...And Then There Was Meghan

After I separated from my first wife, and before I met the woman I would later marry, I dated some, but not much, because not terribly long after the separation/divorce, I met Meghan.

I met Meghan at the same government agency I was later to meet my wife, but the stories don't intersect... I didn't have the time, inclination, or money to play the field like that.

Meghan was a sweet girl, about 4 years younger than me... she was about 5' 4" and explosively curvaceous. A real looker.
We met, chatted a few times, and when I would see her, she would smile at me... and blush. Not being a particularly stupid man, I knew there was interest... which I returned.

We I started flirting with her to beat the band, and it wasn't long after that we started dating. We dated exclusively, and spent a lot of time together as new couples tend to do, and were having a great time... but there were some problems.

As much as I thought that I had completely worked through mu divorce, I hadn't. There were custody/visitation issues that regularly turned into battles. There was that fact that child support, which I never missed paying, even before it was court ordered, was keeping me in Jesuit-like poverty. To say that I had some hostility to get through would have been more than accurate.

Meghan had her own issues to deal with as well... she was never sure about how I felt about her, even though I regularly told her of my love. Worse, she was very unsure of herself, physically. The poor girl's self esteem was wrapped up in the fact that her mother had been a dancer in her youth, and still had a dancer's figure, as did two of her three sisters. Despite my assurances of her beauty (and I kid you not, she was a head-turner), she never quite believed it about herself, so she needed constant reassurance.

Meghan and I were together for nearly three years, and while we were pretty good together, the other stuff got in the way. It led to unhappiness, because I couldn't make her feel better about herself, no matter how I tried... and she couldn't help me get over my issues with my ex-wife. Suffice it to say, we were doomed..

Eventually, we broke up. It was really sad because we loved each other... we kept in touch from a great distance. I healed, she did , too. I got married, and so did she. I saw her downtown, once, about three years after I got married... she was beautiful. I was pleased for her when she had gotten her professional credentials as an interior designer. I was sorry for her when she divorced. I was pleased for her when I heard about her new job at the Pentagon, where she was working at redesigning one of the wings of the building. I was sick with grief on 9/11, when that damned airplane crashed into the building... the wing she was working in. I was overjoyed when I found out, two months later, that she had quit that job scant weeks before the attack. Again, I was happy for her when she met, and later married, a nice man who is making her very happy.

I hear from Meghan about once a year.

It makes me smile.

***NOTE*** It makes me smile because I am happy for her... she is a good person who would never hurt a soul. I have no romantic designs, so tsk tsk if you were thinking that.

His Mother Was Mad!

Hey, all! It's Brillig. I want to warmly welcome a NEW Anonymous Soapiness poster. I hope you will give her all a warm welcome! If any of you have anonymous posts that you'd like to submit, just leave a comment here or at mine or Kate's blogs, and we'll hook you up. :-D
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His Mother Was Mad


I was talking to my father and mentioned I had run
into Jacob.

Jacob was a year older than me in high school. He
hung out with mutual friends of mine. He was tall and
thin. He was sweetly goofy. He went off to an
in-state college. A year later I attended college in
another state then didn't really return for several
years. I lost touch with those friends and didn't
know what had become of him.

About 5 or 6 years ago a tall, handsome man came up to
me. It was the beginning of the work day and when he
said my name, I recognized the voice immediately.
Jacob was living in the same town as me, married to a
school teacher. They had several children. While he
was clearly a man, and not a teenager, his sweet
goofiness was still there.

For several years our early morning routine meant we
crossed paths and we would talk about people from high
school, our kids' exploits, work, my pregnancy and his
wife's a year later. Then his hours changed and we
stopped seeing each other.

I told my dad that I ran into Jacob and his kids over
the holidays. It was the first time I had seen his
since the spring.

"His mother was so pissed when you turned him down for
a date" was my father's reply.

"Whaaaaaaaa?" was my inarticulate response.

I don't think I had ever met Jacob's mother. I
wouldn't know her if she came up to me. I knew that
she didn't run in the same circles as my parents. It
was simply beyond comprehension that my father would
have a conversation with Jacob's mother.

"She called me after Jacob had called to ask you out"
he explained. "You just broke his heart and she
called me to complain."

My father had never, ever told me this.

Worse. I don't remember the phone call from Jacob
asking me out. It wasn't like I was getting these
calls with any frequency. In fact almost never. I
would think this type of call would be memorable to an
infrequent high school dater like me.

So after all these year, does Jacob remember calling
me?

And does he know his mother called my father?